Retronaut: History Revealed

I don't know if you've ever come across the website Retronaut or not, but I must advise you go check it out. Retronaut is kind of like Pinterest, but just for photos of all things history. It's amazing, you can see anything from Johnny Cash sitting in a bush eating a whole cake to "Dead Head" Hitler Postage Stamps.  It has so many fascinating images, you literally can get lost in this site.  I really like how they have the website set up, too. When you click on an image it brings a lightbox up with the photo and to the right it has category, URL, era, source, and favorite buttons, and on the bottom it has "If you like this, check out:" suggestions. Sometimes the collections have multiple photos. 

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THE HAPPY HOTDOG MAN!!

Before I start writing about this product, watch the commercial.



Ok, thanks for braving that for the sake of this blog entry.  First let me say yes, The Happy Hotdog Man (which I think Sarah Palin might be the voice over actor for) is real. Oh, and so are the ketchup and mustard demons that spout condiments from their facial orifices. I’m going to give you a moment to process that.

Moment is up.  Now, why is Modern Southerner talking about The Happy Hotdog Dude?  Because why the hell wouldn’t Modern Southerner share this amazing innovative invention? Oh, wait, this isn’t innovative? Or useful? Or practical in anyway? It’s a piece of useless consumer junk? Oh. Well.  Guess I shouldn’t waste my time...












Seriously though, this has to be one of the most useless money wasting products ever.  Not to say that QVC and AS SEEN ON TV items aren’t useless themselves (didn’t want you to think there was a distinction), but the HHDM has to be one of the most obvious signs we need to STOP BUYING USELESS SHIT.

Their whole gimmick with the HHDM is that it’s “safe for kids.”  Um, why can’t you just cut a shape into your kid’s hotdog yourself, and then let them “dress” it?  I didn’t have neat things cut into my hotdogs, and I turned out just fine.  Plus, why are you feeding your kids processed cow, pig, and turkey remains?  Sure hope they’re using veggie dogs (and yes, the website states you can use those disgusting veggie dogs in place of high quality beef, pig, turkey parts)!

I just cannot see the point in this insanely useless product.  I also can’t imagine the resources, carbon emissions, and money wasted to make this product.  I mean that’s a huge part of what’s wrong with our society today.  Let’s just keep making more and more useless shit that we’ll buy today and throw in a drawer tomorrow.  Let’s waste our money.  Let’s waste our planet’s resources.  Let’s pollute the Earth with more plastic that will inevitably be tossed into a landfill in 6 months to 5 years.  Let’s just create, create, create, consume, consume, consume, and for what?  So our kids can decorate their HOTDOG!?

Sadly, people have been buying this thing and I’m sure it will (if not already) be on a Consumer Circus shelf near you.  Make sure you pick one up and send me photos of your Happy Hotdog Man!  I’m sure he’ll be the only one with a smile on his face when we’re all dying from cancer.

In my opinion, The Happy Hotdog Man is not a "wiener."

LITTLE CAPI

Don't give a ****.  First, let me say this is a pretty hilarious pose Leonardo DiCaprio has presented us with and I love this set of photos depicting Little Capi.  I must warn you though a few are a little graphic and offensive, but there are plenty that are funny.  Choice is up to you, but here are some examples of the safe ones.

Oh, why am I calling Leonardo DiCaprio 'Little Capi'?  Long story short, Kelcey (my old roommate) and I made up this little name back in the days of 7th Street (our crazy old house we used to live in).  Ah, the good ole' days!









Ciao!

FAMILY PHOTOS: MOTHER'S DAY!!!

In the spirit of Mother's Day 2011, I've decided to search the interwebs for some amazing family photos.  What better way to enjoy a wonderful Sunday afternoon?  I hope you all enjoy and feel free to leave comments on which ones you like the best!

  This is wrong on so many levels.

I imagine these people went through copious amounts of Aquanet.

Dad sticks out a bit...

I officially love these people.  This photo is so bad I can only hope they realized it and embraced it.

I'm not sure these people are a family, but I loved this.  Let's point out a few things, shall we?  A.  The two in the middle look like the are seconds away from having a sloppy make out session.  B.  The two on the end look like they want to ditch the two in the middle and have a sloppy make out session.  C.  That carpet makes me want to vomit.  D.  I think there actually might be vomit on the carpet next to the dude on the right.

I'm pretty sure the oldest daughter is going to kill them all in their sleep after this.

Ok, this one wins the Most Awkward Award!  Gotta love a photo with a shirtless kid, a mom whose jorts aren't cut evenly, and a guy with some rope.  Also, I love that the mountains are behind these people.

This guy definitely regrets that one night back in college five years ago.

This family isn't bad.  Their only crime is trusting their family hairdresser.  I bet all these people look better with wet hair.

Starting your child off with a fullet really doesn't help her later in life.  Also, I think this family experiences body issues.  WHY ARE THEY FLOATING TORSOS!?!?

I'm honestly more bothered by the fact dad opted for shorts.

I don't think dad was initially on board with this idea.

Dad is a party pooper, he didn't wear the tights...  Way to ruin the photo, DAD.

And what do ALL the Barrowitz have in common?  They all love their new Dirt Devil Hand Vac!

 "Marge, if you aren't into the photo, I'm not into the photo, and the kids aren't into the photo, then why the f**k did I have to get up at 4 am for this photo!?"

Ok, I'm done making fun of terrible photos.  Now go enjoy your Mother's Day with your mom!  DO IT!

EPIC PHOTOS

These are the most epic photos I've seen in a while (and as you might know, I Stumble a lot and see a lot of photos).  I'm not sure why anyone would agree to these photos and I wonder if the photographers were smoking PCP or something because these are terrible and I would never suggest anything remotely like these to a client.

But, some weirdo did and for that, I thank them (Tosh style).  These are my favorites.  Enjoy!






IT'S NOT FRIDAY...

But, I thought I should share a new discovery with you.  I know you know about Rebecca Black (geez, that was like so last month), but you probably don't know about Bored.com's new wonderful game Rebecca Whack:  It's Friday!  Mikey just showed it to me and then we battled to see who could get the highest score, he beat me by 49 points... grrr.

Anyway, this game has time killer written all over it.  I personally love the guy who say's the phrases.  He sounds like a 14 year old fat kid who lives in his mother's basement, but I'm sure he's not.  Or I'm guessing he's not.  If he is, kudos on the good game.

I promise you won't be disappointed.

 Perhaps this person played this all day... I'm hoping.