Before I start writing about this product, watch the commercial.

Ok, thanks for braving that for the sake of this blog entry.  First let me say yes, The Happy Hotdog Man (which I think Sarah Palin might be the voice over actor for) is real. Oh, and so are the ketchup and mustard demons that spout condiments from their facial orifices. I’m going to give you a moment to process that.

Moment is up.  Now, why is Modern Southerner talking about The Happy Hotdog Dude?  Because why the hell wouldn’t Modern Southerner share this amazing innovative invention? Oh, wait, this isn’t innovative? Or useful? Or practical in anyway? It’s a piece of useless consumer junk? Oh. Well.  Guess I shouldn’t waste my time...

Seriously though, this has to be one of the most useless money wasting products ever.  Not to say that QVC and AS SEEN ON TV items aren’t useless themselves (didn’t want you to think there was a distinction), but the HHDM has to be one of the most obvious signs we need to STOP BUYING USELESS SHIT.

Their whole gimmick with the HHDM is that it’s “safe for kids.”  Um, why can’t you just cut a shape into your kid’s hotdog yourself, and then let them “dress” it?  I didn’t have neat things cut into my hotdogs, and I turned out just fine.  Plus, why are you feeding your kids processed cow, pig, and turkey remains?  Sure hope they’re using veggie dogs (and yes, the website states you can use those disgusting veggie dogs in place of high quality beef, pig, turkey parts)!

I just cannot see the point in this insanely useless product.  I also can’t imagine the resources, carbon emissions, and money wasted to make this product.  I mean that’s a huge part of what’s wrong with our society today.  Let’s just keep making more and more useless shit that we’ll buy today and throw in a drawer tomorrow.  Let’s waste our money.  Let’s waste our planet’s resources.  Let’s pollute the Earth with more plastic that will inevitably be tossed into a landfill in 6 months to 5 years.  Let’s just create, create, create, consume, consume, consume, and for what?  So our kids can decorate their HOTDOG!?

Sadly, people have been buying this thing and I’m sure it will (if not already) be on a Consumer Circus shelf near you.  Make sure you pick one up and send me photos of your Happy Hotdog Man!  I’m sure he’ll be the only one with a smile on his face when we’re all dying from cancer.

In my opinion, The Happy Hotdog Man is not a "wiener."